Are we recovered?

Someone asked the question today: Are we recovered alcoholics? Or are we just alcoholics?



On the surface, it seems to make little difference.



As I thought about the question though, I realized that for me, the difference is huge. It is very tempting for me to think that I am cured of my addictions, that I have recovered. But that's a very dangerous place for me to go. When I believe I am recovered, then I can convince myself, yet again, that I can drink successfully; that I can drink just like everyone else. And if I choose to go in that direction, there is a steep, very slippery slope waiting for me.



As a nurse, I often use my medical knowledge as the framework for understanding other issues. When the question about "recovered" versus "recovering" was raised today, I immediately thought of chronic diseases such as diabetes or COPD. Both of those diseases are characterized by physical symptoms that can be controlled and/or alleviated with a simple daily regimen of medications, monitoring and good choices. Both diabetes and COPD are also characterized by periods of exacerbation, which can be caused by poor diet or lifestyle choices or skipping medications. The diabetic who chooses not to take her insulin is likely to suffer from high blood sugars leading to ketoacidosis and coma. With proper treatment, she can recover from the acute exacerbation, but will still always be diabetic.



That's what alcoholism is like for me. I have a disease which is progressive and chronic. There is a treatment for my disease which allows me to control the symptoms and avoid acute exacerbations. The treatment includes going to meetings, talking to my sponsor, reading the literature, praying and meditating daily, and doing service work to help carry the message to others who are still suffering. If I choose to quit "taking my medicine," the outcome is absolutely predictable and inevitable: I will drink, and eventually I will either die, or I will just wish I had.

I can't "save up" on my treatment and then slack off. Consider the diabetic. It would be pretty crazy for her to give a week's worth of insulin on Sunday and then skip the rest of the week.

I've been given a daily reprieve which is contingent upon the maintenance of my spiritual condition. And I'm so grateful for that. I don't have to worry about tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year. All I have is today, every day.

I hope that I'm never "recovered." I always want to have the joy of seeking, of pursuing sobriety as though my life depends upon it.



Because it does.